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Would have been an excellent joke to start with had we gone to a funeral and not in fact a wedding. 


I told it to Roy when we were on the ferry but he was all green and ill looking so I don’t know if he appreciated it that much but Roy, look! Top of the mourning to you! Because you’re Irish! It’s an Irish stereotype that you say that! Ah but look, there’s a play on words! Because it should be top of the MORNING but I’ve put MOURNING which sounds slightly the same but isn’t really the same at all!


We went to a wedding in Tullamore, Roy says the only reason people go to Tullamore is for a wedding, but I found it fascinating!


Tullamore (Tulach Mhór in Irish, which is still a very important language in Ireland, but nobody seems to know how to speak it. Like Welsh in Wales really. Or Gaelic in Scotland, written on all the signs but no one speaks it…) is a town in County Offaly, in the midlands of Ireland. It is Offaly's county town and the centre of a district the population of which totals around 15,000. Tullamore is an important commercial and industrial centre in the region. Major international employers in the town include 'Tyco Healthcare' and 'Boston Scientific', which both sound very important. In the year 2004, Tullamore Retail Park was formed. It includes outlets such as a Tesco Extra hypermarket, DID electrical, Argos Extra, Burger King (I have to say I have always been more of a fan of ‘I’m lovin’ it’ than of ‘Have it your way’; ‘Have it your way’ sounds like you’ve gone in a Stropy Simon and the Burger King employee is trying to conciliate you as best he can. Of course MacDonald’s would win hands down had they instead made the decision of going with ‘I’m loving it’, or to make it even clearer, replace the ‘it’ with ‘Macdonald’s chain store food and beverages’) and a Woodies DIY.


You can Email me at if you would like to know more about this fascinating little town, I for one am RIVITED.


It was fine but I think I must have done something to upset Roy because he slept in the bath and baths aren’t usually for sleeping in. unless this is another Irish thing I don’t know about, like all of his relatives blessing me. For a while I was worried I might be ill and no one had told me yet but that also no one had told them that I didn’t know. I would have asked but it always seems so rude to enquire after an illness, even if it is your own.

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I'm laughing on the inside, I swear. And Tullamore is a hole.

You didn't upset me, Moss, I just thought it'd be weird sleeping in the bed together after what happened at the wedding.

It's good isn't it? Mourning, hahaha! Tullamore is a rich cultural tapestry.

Why? What happened at the wedding? We had a lovely time!

YOU had a lovely time, I had to endure three hours of people looking at me in a slightly surprised, but not really all that surprised at all, way and explain to my mother that there was still every chance for grandchildren. I NEVER thought I'd be saying that to her.

Well what were they surprised about? Maybe it was because you suited a tie. I always told you you suited a tie but you never listen to me.

Does your mother think you're unwell? What gave her that idea? Do you think they think we have a mysterious illness people only get in London?

Do you think they think we have a mysterious illness people only get in London?

In a manner of speaking, yes, that's exactly what they thought.

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